Week 3 Story: A Trojan Calamity
The Iliad. Retold by Alfred J. Church. Web Source.
Author's Note: The story of The Iliad details a conflict between Greeks and Trojans in which King Agamemnon and Achilles have a quarrel that arguably leads to the deaths of Patroclus and Hector, one of Achilles' good friends and a member of Trojan royalty, respectively. The Iliad precedes the events of Homer's Odyssey. My story will be set after the events of the story, with Hades resurrecting the fallen soldiers to attack Achilles.
Achilles sat on uneven stone and let out a weary sigh. His mother Thetis sat beside him, frantically dissecting a wild spring flower. The violet petals danced downwards before being enveloped by the pools of blood and sweat that cluttered the ground, as a wrecked ship would sink slowly into Poseidon's seas.
Thetis: "I fear for you, my dear Achilles. The Gods are displeased by your victories and speak of you with the tongues of envenomed snakes behind Zeus' back. You should stay for longer. Be safe, for now."
Achilles' gaze ventured skywards. He shook his head and began to stand.
Achilles: "Rest is not a fate of mine, mother. This war is not over, and so I mus-"
The ground began to tremble and crystallized flakes of frost formed in the air. A voice boomed from seemingly all directions at once.
Hades: Achilles, dear boy. Leave the fate-weaving to Lachesis, Clotho, and Atropos. The only thing left you are destined for is an eternal rest by my army of restless!
Hades' hands burst into flame as he dug them deep into the soil. His pale and lifeless blue eyes remained locked with Achilles' as the slain men around him began to twitch and convulse with alarming speed. Achilles readied his spear and motioned for Thetis to take his shield.
Achilles: "Run, mother! Run!"
The cacophonous motion of the dead ceased all at once. The piles of dead laid still again, as Thetis stood in place, paralyzed by fear.
Hades: RISE!
And the dead rose.
Achilles pierced his spear through the torso of a decapitated Trojan while grappling with another gnawing at his bracer. Thetis bashed the shield into the head of another shambling soldier before diving into a nearby tributary. She looked back hesitantly at Achilles before turning back and soaring through the water to the Aegean Sea. Achilles laid waste to the undead Trojans, stripping` from them their weapons to use against them and lodge in their bodies. As more and more fell, Achilles began to grow slower in movement and falter. He began using his fists, rather than swords and spears, to fight his adversaries. Delirious from fatigue, Achilles laid his eyes on the next assailant only to see that it was his dear friend Patroclus, growling and stumbling towards him. Achilles dropped to his knees.
"Patroclus, is that truly you? What has Hades done to you, friend? I cannot kill you. Not after my decision to let you assault the Trojans in my place robbed you of your life already. If this is my fate, then so be it."
Patroclus grabbed Achilles by the shoulders and snarled. Right then, the air grew damp and a violent storm hit the acropolis, drenching Patroclus and Achilles in heavy rain.
Poseidon: STOP THIS AT ONCE, HADES!
The two men remained motionless as giant shadowy figures appeared to battle violently in the storm. As one of them fell, Patroclus loosened his grip on Achilles and fell to the ground, lifeless once again. Achilles sat in shock, the rain continuing to beat down on his brow. He removed his helmet and lay on the ground besides Patroclus' corpse, weeping softly.
Poseidon statue. Web Source.
Author's Note: The story of The Iliad details a conflict between Greeks and Trojans in which King Agamemnon and Achilles have a quarrel that arguably leads to the deaths of Patroclus and Hector, one of Achilles' good friends and a member of Trojan royalty, respectively. The Iliad precedes the events of Homer's Odyssey. My story will be set after the events of the story, with Hades resurrecting the fallen soldiers to attack Achilles.
A Trojan Calamity
Achilles sat on uneven stone and let out a weary sigh. His mother Thetis sat beside him, frantically dissecting a wild spring flower. The violet petals danced downwards before being enveloped by the pools of blood and sweat that cluttered the ground, as a wrecked ship would sink slowly into Poseidon's seas.
Thetis: "I fear for you, my dear Achilles. The Gods are displeased by your victories and speak of you with the tongues of envenomed snakes behind Zeus' back. You should stay for longer. Be safe, for now."
Achilles' gaze ventured skywards. He shook his head and began to stand.
Achilles: "Rest is not a fate of mine, mother. This war is not over, and so I mus-"
The ground began to tremble and crystallized flakes of frost formed in the air. A voice boomed from seemingly all directions at once.
Hades: Achilles, dear boy. Leave the fate-weaving to Lachesis, Clotho, and Atropos. The only thing left you are destined for is an eternal rest by my army of restless!
Hades' hands burst into flame as he dug them deep into the soil. His pale and lifeless blue eyes remained locked with Achilles' as the slain men around him began to twitch and convulse with alarming speed. Achilles readied his spear and motioned for Thetis to take his shield.
Achilles: "Run, mother! Run!"
The cacophonous motion of the dead ceased all at once. The piles of dead laid still again, as Thetis stood in place, paralyzed by fear.
Hades: RISE!
And the dead rose.
Achilles pierced his spear through the torso of a decapitated Trojan while grappling with another gnawing at his bracer. Thetis bashed the shield into the head of another shambling soldier before diving into a nearby tributary. She looked back hesitantly at Achilles before turning back and soaring through the water to the Aegean Sea. Achilles laid waste to the undead Trojans, stripping` from them their weapons to use against them and lodge in their bodies. As more and more fell, Achilles began to grow slower in movement and falter. He began using his fists, rather than swords and spears, to fight his adversaries. Delirious from fatigue, Achilles laid his eyes on the next assailant only to see that it was his dear friend Patroclus, growling and stumbling towards him. Achilles dropped to his knees.
"Patroclus, is that truly you? What has Hades done to you, friend? I cannot kill you. Not after my decision to let you assault the Trojans in my place robbed you of your life already. If this is my fate, then so be it."
Patroclus grabbed Achilles by the shoulders and snarled. Right then, the air grew damp and a violent storm hit the acropolis, drenching Patroclus and Achilles in heavy rain.
Poseidon: STOP THIS AT ONCE, HADES!
The two men remained motionless as giant shadowy figures appeared to battle violently in the storm. As one of them fell, Patroclus loosened his grip on Achilles and fell to the ground, lifeless once again. Achilles sat in shock, the rain continuing to beat down on his brow. He removed his helmet and lay on the ground besides Patroclus' corpse, weeping softly.
Poseidon statue. Web Source.
Hey Daegan! Great story! I also read The Illiad and really enjoyed it. I love this imagining of what happened afterwards, especially the part where Achilles confronts dead Patroclus. You also do an excellent job with the prose, especially the first paragraph; I would like to see even more great descriptions like that.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading the story, I did wonder why Hades was attacking Achilles. Did he have something against him? Did another god compel him to do it? And why did Poseidon intervene? Answering some of these questions may help strengthen the story.
Keep up the good work!
Woah, this story gave me chills! This wasn’t one of the ones I had read during the weeks of classical and biblical choice, so getting a recount or retelling of one is something I say as lucky for me. I loved your writing style! I fully felt empersed in Greek style storytelling so for that I say well done. If I were Achilles I would wonder why Posideon would come forth and aid me in my quarrels with the Hades. Was it his mother plunging into the Aegean sea that triggered his aid? What was going to happen between Posidon and Hades after his undead army had fallen? Would it have something to do with Achilles? What you chose to explain in the author’s notes was helpful to compliment the amount of detail you produced in your story, so it’s good that you picked the spot that you did! I think getting these answers out would produce another great part to this story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYeah, Hades is one of the Gods Thetis alludes to when she tells Achilles that "the Gods are displeased by your victories and speak of you with the tongues of envenomed snakes behind Zeus' back" and Thetis travels to the Aegean Sea to ask Poseidon for help. I definitely erred on the side of implication because I am not a big fan of spelling every single element of a story out, but I respect the criticism and can definitely see how it would've helped to elucidate some of the major plot points. Thanks, Erin and Jasmine!
ReplyDeleteWow this story was intense. I felt like it was an excerpt of a larger story, which I guess it sort of it, being based on the Illiad. I love your vocabulary and the line "Rest is not a fate of mine..." It really highlights Achilles' whole 'deal'--ready to die for fame and the glory of battle. But when Patroclus rose against him? I was genuinely gasping. Do you subscribe to the belief that some scholars have, where Patroclus is Achilles' lover? Because it definitely hit me that much harder in that context. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYes OMG I'm so glad you mentioned that, I do believe that Patroclus and Achilles were lovers and that belief informed the way I wrote this!
DeleteAwesome story! I didn't read the Iliad (I opted to read the Odyssey instead as I prefer that plot line) but I love Greek literature! It was nice to get the Iliad perspective since I didn't get a chance to read it.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your pace was very good. I remained interested throughout the entirety of the story and found your details to be very appropriate. Your descriptors worked very well for the tone of the story and I think that you did a very good job at helping your readers to picture the scene.
You brought a new, modern tone to the story that helped to tell the previous plot line to a fresh scene. I thought that it could have used a little more dialogue (perhaps a drawn out speech from one of the gods or Achilles), but other than that, you did very well with the wording, keeping the original style but putting a new twist on it. Overall, it was a great read and I was thoroughly intrigued. Great job!
Hi, Daegan! I really enjoyed reading your story and seeing how you were able to make a classic tale your own! I definitely liked how intense the story was, and how it felt like it was a small segment taken from a much larger story! That alone wants to make me keep reading to find out more! I appreciated how you were able to bring a modern feeling to this story to make it feel more relatable and relevant. I do agree with Kaleb that it could use a little more dialog from the characters, but overall I think it was really well written! I look forward to reading more from you as this semester goes on! Good luck!
ReplyDelete